Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Weirdest Job

The Oldest Island Boy came in the office the other night and asked his father what the weirdest job he ever had was. The Island King started laughing and said that he'd never really had a weird job but that the Oldest should ask me. He turned to me and said "you've had a weird job?" By now the Island King and I were laughing pretty hard and Island Girl chimes in and really wants to know about my weirdest job.

When I was 23 we lived in a house on the beach and just down the road from us was a small amusement park. I had just quit a job working for a doctor who made the mistake of chasing me around the desk one afternoon (I hit that man in the crotch with my knee so hard his eyeballs just about popped out of his head LOL) and I thought that it would be really fun to work at the amusement park. I went over there one morning and filled out an application. No one interviewed me or anything, I just filled out an application and left it with a girl in the ticket booth. The next morning my phone rang and it was the amusement park and I was hired if I could start that afternoon. I was SO excited! I lived on the beach and was going to be working at an aumsement park right on the beach and after 4 years of working in an emergency room and seeing too many people die I was going to have a FUN job. Meanwhile the Island King is skeptical. He keeps saying that maybe I just need to go get a "real job" and that he just doesn't think I'm going to fit in with these folks. I ignore him and off I go to start my new FUN job. I get to the park before it opens and the owner shows me around. He was a large, older man and was very gruff. The first thing he tells me is that if I get caught stealing money he won't call the cops, he'll deal with me himself. As I'm processing this threat, 2 teenage boys try to jump over a fence towards the back of the park and this man pulled a 22 out of his pocket and fired off 2 shots into the air. I was stunned! The two boys jumped back off the fence and ran away as this man is yelling that next time he won't miss. So I'm standing there with my mouth hanging open and the man tells me that kids try to sneak in all of the time and that he's figured out how to stop that. We're still walking around the park and we come to a little alley. He tells me that I'll be fired immediately if he catches me smoking crack back there. By now I feel like Alice in Wonderland and am just following this man around, nodding my head. We pass the ferris wheel and the guy working it grabs my arm, smiles a big toothless smile and offers me $5 for a blowjob. In hindsight I cannot believe that I didn't run out of that place as fast as I could LOL We get to the balloon pop booth and this is where I'm to work. There was another girl already in there and as soon as the owner left she pushed me up in a corner and told me that if she caught me messing around with her boyfried - who operates the ferris wheel - that she'll cut my f$#%ing throat. Right then a bell rang and the park was open for business. Immediately people started swarming in and I just stood there still feeling like Alice. I easily got into the rythm of selling the tickets and handing out the darts and it wasn't long before the girl I was working with told me it was my break time. I stepped outside the little trailer just as the Island King came walking up. He was a paramedic on a medical helicopter in the next town over and was on his way to work a night shift. He said he wanted to stop and check on me before he went to work. Well I immediately tell him everything, the owner shooting at the kids, the no smoking crack rule, the $5 offer and the threat from the girl in the booth. But, I tell him, I'm gonna stick around a while because I don't steal, jump fences or smoke crack so I'm safe from the owner, I have no intention of messing with the toothless guy at the ferris wheel so the girl in the booth and I shouldn't have a problem and frankly I was a bit of a scrapper in my VERY rebellious teenage days and I'm confident I can handle myself if anyone gives me a problem. Oh, and I have a 22 myself that I just might bring to work tomorrow in case I do have any problems LOL The Island King immediately starts telling me this is a bad idea and that I need to go on home and look for a different job tomorrow. But this is my FUN job and I don't want to go back to working in hospitals or doctor's offices! So I stayed. He left for work and I went back to selling darts. About 20 minutes later the Island King shows back up. "Get your purse, your leaving with me right now" he says. Now this is the Island King who is the most laid back person you'll ever meet and he NEVER orders me around so I was more shocked by that than anything else I'd seen that day. And being in shock I got my purse and the Island King told the other girl in the booth that I quit. He took my arm and literally led me out to the parking lot. By the time we got to our cars I had recovered and wanted to know what in the hell was going on. He told me that he was driving to work and that he just could not leave me there. "It's dangerous and those people are f%#*ing crazy!" he yells. I stood there for a minute and realized that he was right and that this really wasn't going to be a good job for me. I drove home and he went on to work and I never went back to the amusement park.

After I finished telling this story to the kids (minus the blowjob part LOL)they were all looking at me with their mouthes hanging open. "You're making that up" Island Girl says. The Island King and I laughed even harder and he said "You can't make this kind of stuff up - it's all true and I've been telling you that your mother is crazy for years" LOL

So that's the weirdest job I've ever had. I've had a couple more since then that are pretty strange but to date nothing beats the amusement park.
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