The Cable Guy Will Never Be Back

Yesterday morning I decided that I couldn't take the mess that my boys call a bedroom any longer.

The room has needed a good cleaning out for awhile now but I kept putting it off and as long as there was a clear path to their bed I considered it clean.

I woke up yesterday morning and decided that the time had come and in I went.

Those boys have SO many toys and everything needed to be sorted through and since their room was already a mess I started hauling stuff out into the living room to sort through it all. As I brought stuff out, the boys and I went through it deciding if they should keep it or donate it to Goodwill (and Mom's geocache bag)and that generated more piles all over the living room.

About three hours into the process I totally lost interest and decided to sit at the computer for awhile and then get back to it later.

While I was at the computer they were finding toys they hadn't seen in ages and dragging them all over the place so by the time I came back into the room it looked like a bomb had gone off.

The living room, dining room and hallway were so bad that you couldn't walk through there without stepping on toys. It was too late to call the whole thing off so I went back into their room and continued dragging stuff out.

In the meantime the cable has gone out. The internet and tvs have quite working and the Island Girl is having a major fit because she's in the middle of a project for school and needs the internet to finish. The Island King is also having a fit because he's trying to upload images for a client that needs them first thing on Monday morning.

I'm not paying much attention to all of this - I'm just cussing and kicking myself for dragging everything the boys own out into the living room.

It's getting late so I stop what I'm doing and start to fix supper.

As I'm cooking I hear a voice and look up to see the Island King come walking into the house with a strange man. The Island King has been out in the office all day so he has no idea what a disaster the inside of the house is and he takes one look around and his mouth falls open.

Right behind him is the stranger who I'm told is the cable guy here to find out why the cable isn't working.

Did you know that the cable guy will come to your house at 7:30 on a Saturday night?

I didn't and if I had I would have at least cleared a path to the tv for him.

Well this is just downright embarrassing!

The couch is buried beneath a pile of laundry, every other chair and table are buried under toys and the floor can't be seen at all.

The Island King clears a path for the cable guy, he gets to the tv to figure out what's wrong and then it happened.

"Where's the remote for the tv?" they ask.


Not only is this guy looking around with absolute shock on his face but now I have to find the remote - with him watching.

It took 5 full minutes.

The Island King and I are frantically searching for the remote, pulling laundry off the couch, pushing stuff off of the coffee table, tossing toys out of the chairs - all with no luck. I ask if the remote is really needed and apparently it is so we keep looking.

Just then we hear the Youngest Island Boy yell from the bathroom "I found the remote in the tub but I can't bring it to you because I'm pooping!"

Where is a big hole to swallow you up when you need one?

The cable guy is looking at us like you'd look at aliens if they landed in your yard and the Island King wants to know why the remote is in the tub.

That pretty much sent me right over the edge.

"I don't know why the remote is in the damn tub but you need to go get it because the Youngest is pooping and I need to finish dinner!" I yell at him.

He storms down the hallway and all I can say to the cable guy is that the remote usually lives in the living room.

I felt a little sorry for the guy because you could tell that all he wanted to do was fix the tv and get the hell out of here as fast as possible.

The Island King comes back with the remote and is shoving toys out of the way so he can move the tv away from the wall when all of a sudden the Oldest Island Boy yells "Look Out!" and the giant stack of matchbox cars that are sitting next to the tv come crashing down all over the cable guy.

Well that did it. The look on the cable guy's face was priceless and I damn near died laughing!

I fell over onto the pile of laundry the couch is buried under and am absolutely howling with laughter.

The Island King does NOT think this is funny at all and is trying to help the cable guy unbury his toolbox and glaring at me.

And just when I think it can't get any better, our puppy comes running through the room with a pair of pink panties in his mouth and the Island Girl, screaming at the top of her lungs, hot on his trail.

The puppy leaps up towards the cable guy and as he does, the panties go flying out of his mouth and land on the toolbelt the guy is wearing.

Then, there was dead silence as my whole family stood looking at the pink panties hanging off the cable guy's belt.

Even the puppy has stopped and is sitting quietly at the man's feet. All of the color drained out of the guy's face and the Island King reaches over and gently takes the panties off of his belt and hands them back to the Island Girl.

That was it - I start laughing hysterically, tears running down my face, holding my sides, about to pee in my pants kind of hysterical and the cable guy bolts for the door.

He was out that door so fast that he was just a blur going by.

The Island King is running behind him yelling "Wait! You haven't fixed the tv yet!" and as he gets close to the door he steps on a green army man.

Have you ever stepped on a green army man?

Well let me tell you that a green army man can bring a grown man to his knees and it stopped the Island King cold.

He started howling and cussing and of course that just made me laugh even harder.

Now remember that he hasn't found any of this amusing at all so by now steam is coming out of his ears and he looks like his head is going to explode - which made me laugh even harder.

He manages to limp outside to try and convince the cable guy to come back inside and fortunately he succeeded.

The cable guy comes back in but looks like he's walking through a snake pit.

I have gotten myself under control and go back to the kitchen to finish dinner and it wasn't long before the tv was fixed. The Island King walked the guy out and when he came back I asked what was wrong with the tv and the Island King says the cable guy was in such a hurry to leave that all he would say is that it was broke and he fixed it.

The Island King is pretty pissed off by now and is asking me what in the hell has happened in the house and telling me how embarrassing this whole incident has been.

I told him that I was cleaning out the boy's room and that I never dreamed a repair man would be coming at 7:30 on a Saturday night and that frankly I found the whole thing quite funny.

He rolled his eyes and said that he could tell from the way I was howling like a hyena on the couch.

I said "Did you see his face when those panties landed on his tool belt?"

The corner of the Island King's mouth twitched and it was only seconds before he was sitting on the kitchen floor laughing hysterically.

We were laughing so hard that I burned dinner and we ended up eating cheese sandwiches for supper.

After doing the dinner dishes I was so exhausted from laughing that I tossed everything from the couch onto the floor, made myself a nice rum drink and plopped down on the couch to watch some mindless tv.

The Youngest Island Boy had to sleep on the couch last night since his bed was covered in toys and this morning I have one hell of a mess to clean up but I have to say that the look on the cable guy's face was worth every minute of the cleaning I'll be doing today.

Yesterday I told my friend Kiva that my life is boring. I'm rethinking that today.