Go Away, Fay

In the South, we try to be hospitable when uninvited guests come knocking. We invite you in, offer you a tall glass of iced tea and insist you sit and visit for a spell.

But I have to tell you, Fay, that you are not welcome here. Monday begins our first week of school and I just don't have the time or energy to gather hurricane supplies and drag 27 pieces of plywood out to board the windows. And don't even get me started on the "do we stay or do we go" evacuation debate. We Floridians are busy this week and to be frank, we just don't like your kind. You come blustering in, knocking over trees, dumping torrential amounts of rain and causing all kinds of trouble that we just don't need.

So, what I'm saying to you, Fay, is "Shoo!, Scat!, Don't come around here! You just make yourself a hard right-hand turn, head on out into the Atlantic, run right up into that cold water and dissipate."