This is the kind of month I've had.
Seriously, one thing after another going wrong, building up to Sunday afternoon's final straw.
On top of all of the other mess going on around here we've had trouble with our drains draining really slow.
And on Sunday afternoon the toilets quit flushing.
So the Island King took the lid off of the septic tank and freaked out. He started yelling "Oh No!" over and over again as he was putting the lid back on.
He turned around, looked at me and said "We've got a huge problem."
Apparently, the tank is full. Not just full like it needs draining but full like it's ready to overflow. Today.
The good news is that we've found our problem. The bad news is that it's Sunday afternoon and we're pretty sure it costs more to have the truck come pump it on Sunday afternoon than to have a truck come during a scheduled visit on a week day.
A plumber's emergency rate is astronomical so can you imagine what the septic tank guy's emergency rate would be?
So the Island King declares a water shut down.
He tells the kids that he'll set up the camping toilet in the bathroom and no one is to flush until the tank is pumped.
Which sounded like a real pain but better than the cost of an emergency septic tank pump or - even worse - a septic tank backup into the house.
With that disaster temporarily on hold we went to work in the back yard.
Time for me to fix dinner rolled around and without thinking about it I went inside and got in the shower.
As the water started to back up in the tub I remembered the 'no water use' proclamation.
And then I heard bubbling.
I stuck my head out of the shower and realized the water in the toilet bowl was bubbling. A lot.
Right about then the Island King came running down the hall yelling "Get out of the shower - it's gonna blow!"
As I was scrambling to get out of the shower all I could think about was "What if the toilet explodes and I'm killed by porcelain shrapnel before I can get out?"
That's such a bizarre story that I'd go down in history as the woman who was killed by the exploding toilet.
Not really how I want to be remembered.
The tub finally drained but the Island King and the boys were just as sweaty and dirty as I had been and they needed a shower too.
Which led to them putting on their bathing suits and literally taking a shower with the hose in the front yard.
A sight that I'm sure reminded our neighbors of our true redneck status.
Not that they need reminding.
So early Monday morning I was on the phone scheduling a septic tank pump.
They got here Monday afternoon and we now have an empty septic tank.
I've decided that I'm taking this as a sign that things are now back on an upward trajectory.
At least I hope they are. Many more months like this one and I'm running away from home.