Friday, August 12, 2011

I Did NOT Hit That Man!

Late this afternoon I ran up to Walgreens to pick up a few things we needed.

When I pulled into the parking lot there was an older man sitting on the bench next to the building with his head on his chest.

He was a big guy, somewhere between 250 and 300 pounds and had sort of a homeless look to him.

I watched him for a minute and he appeared to be out cold.

I walked into the store and told the clerk that there was a man passed out on the bench outside. She stuck her head out the door and then said "That's Mr. Ed. He comes in here all of the time and he must be resting."

Ok.

I got what I needed, paid, and went back out to my car - which was parked right in front of Mr. Ed.

I sat there looking at him for a couple of minutes and I started watching his chest and stomach.

Neither seemed to be moving.

So I got out of the car and stepped a little closer, but not too close.

And the man did not appear to be breathing.

Two girls walked up behind me and one of them said "It doesn't look like he's breathing."

Which confirmed what I'd been thinking.

We ran into the store and I tell the clerk that someone needs to come and check on Mr. Ed because he's not looking well.

There was a man standing at the register who looked around and realized that he was the only man around and probably needed to step up.

Which he did, sort of.

He looked at me and said "Will you go out there with me?"

Now, here's where I need to explain something.

My husband was a paramedic for many years and he taught me a long time ago that you never get close to a person who appears to be passed out.

You never know if they're going to come up swinging, grab you, or what, so you stay as far back as possible and touch their foot, while calling out to them.

If they do wake up swinging you're far enough away that you won't get hurt.

So as the man and I head out the door I grabbed a crab net out of a stand by the door.

My plan was to reach out with the pole and poke his foot while calling out to him.

The man who'd come with me stood back (thanks, dude) so I held the crab net by the net end, extended the pole out and poked Mr. Ed in the foot, while saying "Hey, are you alright? Wake up. Is everything ok?"

Mr Ed woke up, flailing his arms around and I'm telling you if I had leaned over and tried to touch him to wake him up he'd have hit me with his arms.

When Mr Ed woke up the guy behind screamed like a girl (I am not making this up) and ran back into the store.

So there we are. Mr Ed looking at me and me holding a crab net looking at him.

He said "Well hi there missy, you goin crabbin?"

What could I say? "No, I'm just didn't want to get too close to you to wake you up?"
So I smiled, told him yes and hightailed it back into the store.

Where the manager is now standing with the clerk.

As I come in the manager looks at me in shock and says "What are you doing with that crab net?"

Before I can answer he gets a really angry look on his face and says "You hit Mr Ed with a crab net?!"

No, no, no! I tried to explain about not getting too close to someone who's passed out and that I used the net to poke Mr Ed's foot.

He wasn't hearing a word I said.

He was getting madder and madder and kept repeating "You hit Mr Ed with the crab net?"

I tried to explain one more time but the anger on his face and the look of pure shock on the clerk's face did me in and I tossed the crab net back into the bin and flew out the door.

I'm getting in my car and Mr Ed is still being nice and wishes me good luck on my crabbing trip - even though I no longer have a crab net.

As I'm driving away all I can think about is the fact that the people in Walgreens believe I hit an old man with a crab net!

Oh my God!!!

I get home and am totally freaked out. I saw what I believed to be a dead man on the bench outside of Walgreens and the people inside Walgreens believe I have hit an innocent old man with a crab net.

I'm babbling all of this to the Island King who keeps telling me that I did the right thing and not to worry what the people in Walgreens think.

But it BOTHERED me! The idea of someone believing I would hit an old homeless man with a crab net who was just minding his own business really bothers me.

And I vow never to step foot in Walgreens again - having been labeled the woman who beat the old man with a crab net and all.

After I calmed down I went inside to start supper and a few minutes later the Island King comes in and says "I called Walgreens."

What?

He said the incident bothered him too because in his mind I handled the situation safely and he felt like the manager needed to know that.

He said at first the manager was a little hostile and that it took a few minutes of explaining why it's dangerous to lean over someone who has passed out.

Then he heard the manager have an Aaahaaa! moment and realized the man now understood.

The Island King also emphasized that I did NOT hit the man, I poked his foot.

The manager started laughing and said that when he saw me come back in with the crab net that he just kept picturing me out there whacking away at Mr Ed.

Then the manager apologized profusely for making me feel bad and told the Island King over and over again to please have me come back tomorrow so he can apologize.

I'm not sure I'm up for that.

Why am I such a magnet for this kind of stuff. Crazy seems to find me everywhere I go.

Which explains why the older I get the more of a hermit I become.
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