The Island King and I have been together for 24 years -
which means I expect him to know certain things about me.
The fact that he doesn’t means the kids got to witness what
they consider to be the funniest argument we’ve ever had.
We were on our way to Tower Camp several months ago and as
usual the truck was packed to the brim.
Our last stop was the grocery store and when we got back in
the truck we had to pile quite a few bags of groceries in my lap for the ride.
We drove a little way and I started getting a headache.
I told the Island King that I needed a cup of coffee and he
says “no problem, I’ll make some as soon as we get to Tower Camp”.
No, that won’t work. Tower Camp is an hour away and I know
that without coffee by the time we get there my head will explode.
I tell him that and he just keeps driving.
I really want him to swing into a convenience store and grab
me a cup of coffee but he seems pretty intent on ignoring me.
Which ticked me off and made my head hurt even worse.
So I said “I need a cup of coffee right now” – waited
exactly one minute and then said it again.
Do you remember the commercial where the owl wants to know
how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll?
Well, it only takes me saying “I need coffee now” 5 times
before the Island King starts cussing under his breath and swings into the next
store for coffee.
He was mad because he was in a hurry to get to Tower Camp
and I was mad because my head hurt and I shouldn’t have had to say “I need
coffee” 5 times before he pulled into a store.
The store he turned into was a McDonalds so he pulled up to
the drive through and ordered a large coffee.
The cashier asked if he wanted anything with it, he looked
at me and I told him a handful of sugar and creamers.
At that moment I realized that I’d said sugar instead of
sweetener and as I was trying to correct the order the Island King just pulls
on up to the next window.
Which I thought was rude but didn’t say so.
The employee opens the window and hands us the cup of
coffee.
I ask about the cream and sugar and he says I put it in
there for you.
“What?”
Maybe I was being unreasonable but I didn’t want him
throwing “a handful of stuff” into my coffee. I asked for a handful because I
thought he’d give it to me like they do ketchup packets and that I could mix it
to my liking.
I say “No, No, NO!” and the Island King drives off.
He pulls on up to the road and is waiting to pull out into
traffic and I’m getting more upset by the minute.
“Stop!!!! This isn’t right”
And out into traffic he goes.
I took one sip of the coffee and it was vile. Not because I
was mad but because it was old and I’m positive there wasn’t a drop of sugar or
creamer in there.
We could have remedied that if the Island King wasn’t being
such a butt and had let me send the coffee back and get what I wanted.
But he didn’t and now we were on the road again.
While this is going on the boys are in the back seat and
seem to think this is the funniest thing they’ve ever seen.
They were whispering and laughing and laying odds on the
winner of the war they knew was about to happen.
I was so mad, all I wanted was a decent cup of coffee and
for my headache to go away. I really didn’t think that was asking too much and
the fact that I was literally having to fight to get it just made my head hurt
even worse.
“You have to pull into a Jr Store and so I can get something
to fix this coffee with”
Silence from him.
The two year old in me came out and I started saying “pull
into a store” over and over again.
Why watching your parents have a fight like this is funny I
don’t know but the boys were enjoying every minute of it.
The Youngest asked his brother if he thinks I’ll say “pull
into a store” all the way to Tower Camp and the Oldest says “No, Dad will snap
before then and stop at a store to make her be quiet”
The Oldest won that one because it only took a couple of
minutes and my non stop pull into the store stuff to make the Island King blow
and pull into the next convenience store.
He pulls up to the store and is sitting there, both hands
tightly gripping the steering wheel, staring straight ahead when I tell him
that he has to go in because I’m buried under all of the camping and grocery
stuff.
If my head had not been about to blow off my shoulders and I
wasn’t furious about having to make such a fuss to get a cup of coffee, I might
have been a little scared when he looked at me and very quietly said “What do
you want me to get?”
I tell him 4 creamers and 4 packs of Equal. As he’s getting
out I grab his arm and say “It HAS to be Equal or regular sugar – nothing else
will work”
He slams the door, walks into the store and the boys fall
out laughing. All I want at this point is a drinkable cup of coffee and for my
head to stop hurting.
The Island King gets back in the truck and throws the stuff
in my lap.
I look down and see 2 creamers and 4 packs of Splenda.
SPLENDA?
And he is already driving away.
Very calmly I say “Did you not hear me when I asked for 4
creamers and either Equal or sugar?”
He looks in the rearview mirror at the boys and starts
talking to them about what we were going to do when we get to Tower Camp.
He’s ignoring me. I have a massive headache, am mad beyond
belief that getting a cup of coffee has turned into such a problem and now he’s
just going to act like I’m not here.
He and the boys chatted for the rest of the drive while I
sat, thinking of ways to get rid of his body after I killed him with my bare
hands.
And being the two year old that I am, I did not drink one
drop of that coffee.
By the time we got to Tower Camp he and the boys had been
laughing and talking and he was completely over being mad about the coffee.
I was not.
And my head was about to explode.
The first thing he did when we got there, even before
unloading the truck, was pull out the camp stove and brew me a nice strong cup
of coffee.
And I was able to add my own condiments.
Twenty four years with me. He should know how I like my
coffee. And he also should know that if I tell him I’m getting a headache and
need coffee that I’m getting a headache and need coffee.
To this day the boys bring this fight up and laugh
hysterically.
Their father tells them that this is a prime example of just
how unreasonable women can be.
I’ve told them that when they’ve been with the same woman
for 24 years they’d better know how she likes her coffee or else she will use
their toothbrush to clean the gunk out of her keyboard and then put it back
where it lives.
The funny this is that after I told them that the Island
King started hiding his toothbrush.
What’s that old saying? “No use closing the barn door once
the horse is out”
Labels: Staying